The me i choose to be.



If there is one thing I am awesome at, it is sticking my head in the sand. I can happily eat cake and worry about the calories/sugar etc at a later date. I can spend my money on Starbucks and Lindy bop and worry about the bills later. Most importantly, I can book Disney and decorate the house next year!!

My decisions have always been a little bit care free, life’s too short to be too sensible too much of the time.

And yet in this season I’ve found myself with what feels like the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I am a mum to a super clever, big dreamer, hard working, musical, dramatic, princess. I find myself having to get a balance between pushing her to achieve her full potential, and not pressuring her so that she becomes stressed. I need her to know we love her for who she is while letting her know I believe she can do anything she wants to. I need a balance between keeping her safe in this scary world and giving her freedom to develop independence and build friendships. I want her to fit in while not being afraid to stand out and shine. I want her to understand the world but I want to shelter her and keep her childlike for as long as possible.

I am an additional needs mum. To an incredibly clever, funny, strong, determined little warrior. I need to protect and shelter him, while also teaching him how to cope in a world that wont always understand him. I need him to be proud of who he is and to stand proudly in that, but also I want him to fit in a group and not be isolated. I want to push him to achieve his potential while not wanting him to grow up too fast. I need to keep him safe and healthy while giving him the freedom to run free as most little boys love to.

I am disabled, I need to not give into this. When the pain is unrelenting I need to have the wisdom to rest while also not allowing it to take my freedom and independence. I need to be strong but I need to learn that does not mean I need to be silent. I need to swallow my pride and ask for help but I need to show those coming behind me that a good, full life with this condition is fully possible.

I am a student. I need to get a balance of studying and having time for my family. I need to balance spending money on my study vs spending it on my kids. I need to look at long term goal vs practicalities now. I need to look at why I wanted to do this in the first place and remember the need that broke my heart in the first place.

I am a volunteer. I need to find the balance of wanting to help and wanting to fix the world. To be there when I’m needed but not carry it with me all the time. I need to remember why I’m there, to share my story to help others understand why I care. To help those who are lost or hurting without loosing myself.

I am a wife. I need to keep him here.

Mostly I am me, I need to remember that even when my hands are full with all that I need to be to others that I matter. That I am still here, my fight matters. I can only do so much.

I am nothing on my own. I am stronger in a team, I am braver with a friend, I am more understanding in a group. I am more than a mum, a wife, a volunteer, a student. I am a person who hurts and cries and laughs and twirls and my decisions need to include me. And that all those things I am make me stronger, those kids give me strength every day, a laugh from Ben carries me through a week. An appreciated Visit gives me value and worth and a good make in an essay reassures me that I am not giving in to anything, that if my body fails me my mind is stronger and more determined than ever.

Your decisions need to include you, its not selfish to think of yourself sometimes. If your overwhelming thought in the day is ‘what about me?’ then do something for you. Its a sure sign you need to set aside some time for coffee, a spa day, a walk, a run, a cake (yup the whole cake). Those instincts are your mind telling you to take care of you.

Sometimes you might not feel it, but You matter, your influence in this world might feel small but its vital. Don’t stop being you!

Comments are closed.


  • Laura Wood

    ❤ you are a amazing ladie and cant wait to meet you ? cant go wrong with cake and lindybop ?

    01/15/17 – 18:41

  • Dee

    Adulting is hard!

    01/15/17 – 18:58

  • Anne

    How does so much wisdom fit in one small head? <3

    01/15/17 – 22:35

  • Nikita

    Amazing what fits in there along with so much Disney randomness lol!!

    01/15/17 – 19:03