Lonely Caterpillar
 

Don’t judge the book by its cover.

My newest journey, which has been filled with both caterpillar and butterfly moments, has been finding out that my precious little 4 year old son has Aspergers.

I’d lying if I said I wasn’t upset at first. As a mother I have hopes and dreams for my little warrior and princess and anything that might stand in their way of achieving their (my) goals is upsetting. However after a reality check that actually my kids are probably both going to do totally different things than I imagine for them and the realisation that my son is still seriously awesome I have got my head round things.

This is a very new journey for me but what I have realised that people judge on appearance. Because my son looks like any other 4 year old, when he has a melt down in public the staring is very noticeable, I can almost hear the thoughts of others “she can’t control her child”. When I cuddle him instead of yell I know people think I’m too soft on him however for Eli to calm he likes to be wrapped up tight. This is actually the fastest way to calm him when out. Similarly when I have told friends and family of his diagnosis they have said he looks too ‘normal’ to have something ‘wrong’ with him.

The truth is how often do we look at others and think they look fine? It’s easy to put up a front and pretend everything is fine but in reality none of us can see the issues going on. It might be easier to identify a need of someone with a very clear physical disability but the personality or the psychological needs of that person are never visible.

When looking at the caterpillar, physically there is nothing to tell us that it is going to turn into a butterfly, but the potential is always there just bubbling away under the service. If a caterpillar was a book nobody would buy it but a butterfly would be a best seller. Without the caterpillar years the butterfly book would be pretty empty though. I’m convinced that both my children are become beautiful butterflies and gaining more colour through their experience and because of them, aspergers and all they definitely bring me closer to butterfly than anything else could.